QUESTION:  I am in the 3rd grade.  I have two friends who don’t like each other.  They both want me to just be their friend.  What should I do?

ANSWER:  Thank you for being brave enough to write to me!

It is very hard to be stuck in the middle.  It’s not fair that your friends expect you to choose just one of them to be your friend.  What your friends are asking you to do is not right.  Jesus wants us to be friendly to everyone…even our enemies.  Talk with your mom and dad about what is happening.  Ask your mom or dad to help you practice what to say to your friends.  It should sound something like this: 

“I like both of you as friends.  It’s not right or fair for you to want me to choose between the two of you.  This is not my problem; it is yours.  You two either need to find a way for the three of us to get along, or you will need to take turns playing with me.  I really want us to all get along, and I think we all can if we work at it.”  (The Bible calls this “speaking the truth in love.”)

It might be hard for your friends to learn to play as a group of three, but it is not impossible.  Some things you could try are:

Take turns picking the game.  Everyone agrees to play the game that is picked. 

Invite one friend at a time over to your house after school so you can have some time alone with each friend. 

If your friends just can’t get along, take turns at recess playing with each friend.

Call your friends on the phone to talk about things you didn’t get time to talk about at school. 

If your friends tell you mean things about the other one, tell them:  “Sally is my friend too.  I don’t want to hear you say mean things about her.”   Walk away or hang up the phone if you need to.

Ask your parents for ideas on how to help your friends compromise in different situations.

All three of you get together make a promise to God to be careful not to leave someone out when you are talking and playing.

Pray often with your friends, and ask God to help you all be kinder and more willing to get along.

If these girls are TRUE friends, they will stick by you and not make you choose.  A TRUE friend won’t let her friends say and do mean things.   A TRUE friend gets and keeps friends by being a good friend.  Whom you have as a friend is up to you, but God wants us to treat everyone with love, compassion and forgiveness.  If you do, you will have many friends.  Friends are like vegetables, you can have as many as you like!

Mar 24 2011